What It's All About
by Joan Powers
Summary: Is three a.m. the best time for Lorelai to confront Rory about taking responsibility for her life? Post Gilmore Girls Netflix reunion


What It's All About

By Joan Powers

**Rating:** PG/K

**Genre:** Drama

**Timeline:** Post Gilmore Girls Netflix reunion.

**Summary:** Is three a.m. the best time for Lorelai to confront Rory about taking responsibility for her life?

Lorelai didn't want to move. She was warm and cozy in the depths of her blanket cocoon. Yet someone was nudging her as a noise in the distance grew louder.

"Maggie's crying," Luke said, beside her.

Still partially asleep, Lorelai edged closer to his warmth. "So?" she mumbled into his chest. "Let Rory take care of it."

"She's been crying over an hour."

That got her attention. Sitting up, she turned to Luke. "You sure?"

"Yeah," he said, propping the pillows behind his back as he joined her. "I hate to say it, but this isn't the first time this has happened."

These past months Lorelai had seen her daughter do many things that had rubbed her the wrong way. It had been all too easy to turn a blind eye or make excuses. '_She's tired'. "She doesn't realize'. 'She's having a rough time.' 'She's just not thinking._'

If fact, even now, Lorelai was tempted to settle the baby herself so they all could fall back asleep. Why start a difficult conversation in the middle of the night when everyone was already exhausted?

And why was Luke getting into this now? His timing was terrible. He'd become a pro at getting Maggie back to sleep. Why hadn't he gone downstairs?

Waiting over an hour. What was he thinking?

"Rory needs to step up to shoulder her responsibilities."

That hurt. But it was true.

"I know."

It was the first time she'd said it aloud.

Luke leaned towards her, taking her hand. "You know I love Rory and would do anything for her, right? And I don't mind helping with the baby. In fact, once I got used to her, I like being with Maggie. But this isn't right.

"I've seen Rory with her head phones on, completely ignoring the baby too many times. We gotta do something about this. With you two being so close, I know it's hard for you. Want me to take a shot at it?"

Tears welled in her eyes. That was one of the attributes she loved about Luke. That in his own awkward way, he would do it. Or at least make a valiant attempt.

"Thanks, but that's why I need to be the one."

She reluctantly swung her feet to the cold wooden floor, searching about for her fuzzy slippers. Shivering, she reached over to turn on the bedside lamp and bent to peer beneath the bed. After she'd found them, she wrapped a stretched-out cardigan about her.

Turning to Luke, she said, "I'll take care of Maggie. But do I have to have the talk with Rory now? Why can't I just wait until the morning after I've had some coffee? Then we'll all be more human."

With only four hours sleep under her belt, she wasn't ready for this. She stifled a large yawn. She would've batted her eyes to plead her case, but she was too tired.

"I've got something you need to see." Luke got out of bed and reached towards the dresser. "I hate to bring this up but tonight I found this on the kitchen floor." He handed her what was clearly a credit card receipt. "I wasn't spying, it was just on the floor and caught my eye. Look at the amount. And then the date."

Lorelai took the slip and moved it closer to the light. Her eyes widened with alarm as adrenaline charged through her. He was right. This conversation couldn't wait a minute longer.

Stumbling down the stairs, she made her way in semi-darkness to Rory's room off the kitchen. Opening the door, there was no sign of her daughter. One whiff revealed what was wrong.

Lorelai reached into the crib for the crying child. In a soft voice, she said, "Oh my goodness! You're soaked through. No wonder you're not happy. Let's get you changed."

Even though it had been many years since Rory was a baby, Lorelai had quickly regained her diapering and baby changing skills. She even managed to change the crib sheet while balancing Maggie on one shoulder.

She sank into the nearby rocker, nuzzling the child in her arms. She loved that brand-new baby smell. And such soft skin.

Maggie's sobs subsided.

"There, that's all better now, isn't it?"

She kissed her dark peach fuzz hair. She rocked her while singing random commercial jingles until Maggie was asleep. Carefully placing the baby in the crib, Lorelai crept out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkened house, she could discern the glow of a computer screen in the living room. Rory was perched on the couch, hunched over her laptop which was balanced on the coffee table. Headphones covered her ears. Music was playing so loudly that Lorelai could hear it as she approached. Temper rising, she pulled off the headphones.

"What are you doing?" Rory asked, startled.

Lorelai snapped on a nearby lamp. Even by the dim light she could see the shadows beneath her daughter's eyes and her unkempt hair. Those tight lines about her mouth.

Maybe this wasn't a good time.

All she wanted to do was hug her beautiful, vulnerable little girl and tell her everything would be alright.

Then she remembered what Luke had just shown her. Reaching her hand into the pocket of her sweater to squeeze the credit card slip strengthened her resolve.

"Maggie's been crying."

"Oh." Rory appeared clueless.

"You would've heard her if you'd taken off your headphones. Or turned down the music."

"Mom! I'm just trying to get some work done. You don't understand how hard it is to concentrate. I can't think!"

Lorelai sat down on the couch beside her. "Let me tell you, kiddo, I do. Sleep deprivation is brutal. But you have to take care of Maggie."

"I don't know how to do this, Mom. It's just too much."

Lorelai assured her. "No one does. It just takes time. You're in survival mode. Getting a shower once every few days at this stage is considered an achievement. And it's even more challenging when you're a single parent."

"How am I ever going to get this book done?"

Rory began breathing so rapidly that Lorelai was concerned she was having a panic attach. Her nails were bitten down to the nubs, a habit she'd thought her daughter had outgrown long ago

She seemed so lost.

It occurred to Lorelai that she'd been that way for a while. She hadn't wanted to acknowledge it, but it was true. Even before the baby came into the picture. She hated to make things worse for Rory. But there was Maggie to consider.

Grabbing her daughter's forearm and holding her gaze, she said, "Take some deep breaths. Calm down. The book isn't what's most important right now. Your main priority is your daughter. And she'll be your top priority until the day you die. That's what being a mom is all about."

Still flustered, Rory responded, "I know but I have to finish this book. I'm…having money trouble." Her cheeks were flushed.

"Don't you get money every month from the trust fund my parents set up for you?"

"Yes, but it's not that much. Journalism jobs have been harder and harder to find. Many of them don't cover most of my work expenses or travel. I've been trying so hard to make my career work. I've had to use my credit card. A lot."

Alarm was flooding Lorelai's gut. "What do you mean? How much debt are you carrying?'

Her daughter bit her lip and looked at the floor.

"Rory!"

"About thirty thousand dollars," she reluctantly admitted.

Lorelai felt like she was going to throw up. She didn't understand. Rory had no college debt. She had an Ivy League education and high-level connections. Her grandparents had bought her a car. They'd subsidized her Brooklyn studio apartment for many years. She even had a trust fund to supplement her monthly earnings. This past year she'd lived rent free in her grandparents' pool house before the baby was born. And now her grandmother was covering all of Maggie and Rory's medical bills.

It didn't make sense.

Lorelai hadn't always made the wisest financial decisions but Rory was burying herself under a mountain of debt that would be nearly impossible to escape.

More firmly, Lorelai stated, "You can't let this continue. You have to build a future for you and your daughter."

"How? I asked Grandma for a loan."

Lorelai held her breath, hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Emily Gilmore was unpredictable when it came to Rory.

"She refused. Can you believe that? She's so mean. Grandpa would've helped me."

Exhaling with relief, Lorelai felt grateful. Maybe she'd thank her mother. Then again, anticipating the difficulties associated with that, maybe she'd just be nice to her.

"Don't blame her, Rory. You knew all this before you decided to have this baby. Yet you choose to pursue it anyway. You knew you weren't able to provide for her. You choose not to involve the father in any way."

Anticipating another old argument, Lorelai cut Rory off before she could speak. "Not that I'm getting into that now. But this is all on you."

Tears streamed down her daughter's cheeks. Lorelai tried not to notice.

This was so hard.

"Honey, you're over thirty years old. You're responsible for your decisions – the good ones and the bad ones."

"And you think having the baby was a bad one," Rory accused.

"Are you kidding? Remember who you're talking to – the pregnant 16-year old?"

"What choices do I have?" Rory asked, hopelessly.

"Get a job."

Her voice rose. "Don't you think I've tried that? It's not my fault that journalism is falling apart! It's not fair!"

"Then get a different type of job."

"But I'm a writer." Rory stubbornly clung to that.

Lorelai tried to lower her voice and speak more calmly. Her temples were throbbing, and her lack of sleep was playing with brain.

"I know. And a damn good one. No one can ever take that away from you. But right now, you have to be practical. You have to bring in some money to start paying down that debt. You're going to want to buy those sparkly shoes and dresses for Maggie someday. And that's only the start of it. You'll want to send her to a good school like Chilton. Not to mention a good college."

Then she remembered. "Didn't they ask you to teach at Chilton?"

"I _don't_ want to do that." Her tone was dismissive.

Lorelai's brow arched. "Think I wanted to change sheets and clean toilets? You do what you have to do. Don't you have some contacts through Yale you can use?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Rory, now's not the time for pride. You have many talents and a Yale degree. Apply for different types of jobs that could bring in a decent salary. Or you could work at the Dragonfly. Be the night manager so we can watch the baby for you."

"Can't you and Luke just watch the baby during the day while I finish the book?" Rory pleaded.

She could see the desperation in her daughter's eyes. As if finishing this book was some type of magic bullet that would solve all her problems. She wasn't facing reality.

"That's not happening. If you were under contract for your book and had a deadline, that would be different. I'd do it in a heartbeat. You know that. But you don't have a publisher. You have no guarantee of immediately making money with your book so this is not the time for it. You made a decision to have this baby. You decided to not involve the father. Now you have to deal with it."

"I _am _dealing with it the best I can!" Rory cried. "I thought you were on my side."

Lorelai thought her heart would break.

"Oh, Rory, I'm always on your side. You know that. You're just…not making the best decisions." Grasping the paper slip in her pocket, she handed it to her daughter.

Rory's pupils skimmed the receipt. "Now you're spying on me?"

"No, it's not like that. Luke picked it up off the kitchen floor. He didn't know what it was." She awkwardly added. "I didn't know there were places in Stars Hollow that sold $250 bottles of wine. On a Tuesday."

"You don't understand!"

Getting angry, Lorelai responded, "That's right. I don't. I don't understand why someone with thirty thousand dollars in credit card debit would buy a $250 bottle of wine."

"You know what people are like," Rory pleaded.

"Of course I do. I grew up with Richard and Emily Gilmore. I know how these people operate. I walked away from them."

Lorelai reluctantly acknowledged that while she had rejected her parents' world, Rory had not. When she'd started running with Logan's Huntzberger's crowd, she'd become accustomed to it. There had been a reason Lorelai had been hesitant to accept him.

Unfortunately, her daughter no longer had the income to support such a lifestyle. Actually, her credit card debt showed that she hadn't for quite some time now.

"You don't live in that world anymore, honey," she said softly, knowing Rory was having a hard time accepting this. She reached to smooth a stray hair away from her daughter's face.

Defeated, Rory replied, "It's just so hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this. With everything going wrong with my career, I thought at least I could have this. It was supposed to be like you and me. A grand adventure. Nothing else mattered as long as we were together."

Lorelai smiled. "That's sweet. I felt the same way. But it took time to build those bonds. And lots of sacrifices. I have _never_ regretted having you. But I didn't expect anyone to fight my battles for me. I didn't go to my parents for money – not that I mind having you here. I love that you're here.

"I took the first job I could get. We didn't have much. But we always had each other. Give it time, Rory." She yawned. "I'm here for you. I believe in you. We'll figure this out. Together."

"But how?"

"I'm sure Grandma has guy." Lorelai was losing her focus.

"What do you mean? I told you, she won't lend me the money."

"Yeah, but I'm sure she knows some kinda guy who knows how the system works. Maybe we could make arrangements for you to pay installments. Or stop that eighteen percent monthly interest rate from…." Her mind was going blank. What was the word? "Racking up."

"But -"

Maggie began to shriek, loudly.

"Oh no!" Rory sobbed. "I can't…I can't deal with this!"

"Yes, you can." Standing, she offered a hand to Rory. "Come on."

She pulled her daughter to her feet. The two made their way towards Rory's room.

Peering into the crib at her unhappy baby, Rory sighed.

"Go ahead. Pick her up."

"She's just gonna keep on screaming. I _suck _at this. Big time."

Rory lifted Maggie into her arms and awkwardly bounced her. The volume of her cries remained the same.

"Hold her closer to you," Lorelai advised.

Rory complied. "This isn't working!"

"She knows you're upset. She can feel it. I have an idea."

Lorelai grabbed a bed pillow and shoved it between the single bed and the wall.

"Bring her over to the bed and lie down with her."

"The baby books advise against co-sleeping," Rory automatically recited.

"Do you want to get any sleep?"

"Yes" was her desperate reply.

"Then do it. You and I used to do this all the time."

Rory clumsily maneuvered onto the bed while tightly clutching Maggie.

"Relax the grip there, kiddo. She's not a football. You're not gonna break her."

Lorelai placed a blanket over the two of them. They looked so cozy. Then she put a pillow against Rory's side. She was sorely tempted to join them. But this was something her daughter needed to do on her own. Instead she collapsed on the adjacent rocking chair. Drawing her knees to her chest, she covered herself with a blanket.

Minutes passed with little change.

"It's not working!"

"Be patient. Pull her closer to your chest –yeah, like that. She wants to be close to you. She needs her mommy. Take a few deep breaths. Feel how soft she is. She's such a cutie." Lorelai yawned. "Rub your hand over her back. "

Maggie's cries became less urgent.

Yawning, she asked, "Tell me again, why'd you pick the name Maggie?"

"Margaret Atwood – The Handmaiden's Tale."

Her eyelids grew heavy. "We liked that one?"

More confidently, Rory replied, "Yeah, we did. Mom, what do I do now?"

"Sing to her"

"Sing what?"

"Anything. She liked the Armor hot dog jingle."

"She did? Is that…appropriate?"

The Armor hot dog jingle had been the Gilmore girls go-to road trip song for years. While it had started out as an innocent blunder on Rory's part, as she grew older, it had become a game to make the words as ridiculous (and non-PC) as possible.

"Don't worry about it." Lorelai assured her. "It won't cause any permanent damage. Besides, she'll be singing it with us one day."

Rory started the song. "Hot dogs. Armor hot dogs. What kid of kids eat Armor hot dogs?"

Maggie started to settle down.

"Fat kids, stupid kids, kids who're high on drugs. Drunk kids, creepy kids even..."

After several rounds of the jingle, Rory whispered, "Mom, we did it! She's asleep! Mom?"

Lorelai was sound asleep.

**THE END**


End file.
